Behind the Polygamy; an advice to the females

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This is a letter written to the first wife in a polygamous family by the second wife. Please, enjoy every bit of it and change your thoughts about polygamy especially as a Muslim.

Dear Umm,
You may not love to hear us discussing this matter, but we’ve got no choice than to discuss it, it runs across our life and religion matters almost every day. We just have to discuss it.

You must know that it’s the creator of both men and women that permitted Polygamy. He actually have the absolute knowledge behind its legislation. Without doubt, it is good before He permitted it and your Imaan (faith) may be affected if you let your jealousy attitudes metamorphosis into hating what our Lord, Allah permitted. Be careful ma!

Also, you don’t have to take the news of a co-wife badly, it’s not a death sentence! When the news that a new wife will come in reaches some women, they felt betrayed and sees it as if their husband is telling them that they are not competent, while many see the act of taking another wife as an act of ingratitude on the part of the husband. No! That is not the case – you shouldn’t take the news like this! It’s absolutely wrong! He still loves you. For instance, the prophet married several women after Aa’isha but Aa’isha remained the most beloved to him.

Your husband has taken in another wife is not a yard stick to turn her to slave or to retire from your own responsibilities. In fact, you can lose it when you withdraw your former responsibilities simply because another woman is here; the new woman will take your lagging as an advantage to secure a large palace in the heart of your husband. The truth is, men tends to love the woman who takes care of them most. So, don’t lag and you won’t lose.

We’ve heard many instances of situations where the new wife couldn’t cope with the ‘Romeo and Juliet’ relationship between the first wife and the husband, and many of them had to opt out. Don’t be the reason behind the down fall of any one. It is not good for your reputation.

You may have hawked garri to support your husband during your trial times, and he’s built a house now and he came home with a damsel, upon all you’ve done? Just chill, you may feel that he’s ingrate but that’s not the case, it’s natural! Men (though it may not be all) are greedy and there are never contented (Hey, men, I’m not sorry to say such), be patient with him and know that all you have done is for Allah and not your husband. Surely, Allah will compensate you with your children. Listen to the story of successful men, they are the children whom their mothers faced trials with their fathers. A huge reward awaits you, don’t destroy it by recounting the favours you did for your husband.

Also, don’t let the news of thaaniyah (second wife) make you lose your dignity, your body should be like this after those children had fallen from you, you are a mother already – not like that young girl , you shouldn’t be going for hips or breast enlargement, you shouldn’t be forcing heavy makeups or desperate dress on yourself, your husband didn’t marry another woman because you lack those things, I tell you! It’s nature! Even if he had married cossy and Lady Gaga, he will still marry another lady, don’t turn yourself to an animal because of that! Remember, you are already a mother!

Likewise, don’t turn yourself to a ‘phone police officer’ that monitors all outgoing and incoming calls upandan, leave him, don’t give yourself hypertension, if he wants to do it, he will do it – no matter how often you keep his car keys, don’t give yourself hypertension – antenol is now costly, hypertension may also leads to stroke. This life is too sweet than to kill yourself oo. Take a Pepsi with malty biscuits, life is still sweet. In fact, check your husband phone is not good for your health, it steals away your joy and vice versa.

Lastly, don’t see the other woman as a theif or a gold digger, no one actually wishes to eat a left over, but it’s situation that made oyinbo to shit for latrine. Be patient with her, you may even become good friends.
This is the end of the letter, I hope you will take heed before it is too late!

– Anonymous.
Edited by Abideen Muhammed.

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